Walking & Talking
I think many writers will agree with me here. The hardest thing about writing can be the simplest things! Sometimes readers are shocked at how we can create these worlds and characters, but ask us to have a character simply walk across a room? That is the hard part!
I personally used to really struggle with simple descriptions like these. I want to go over a few problems and solutions, as well as ways to think through these difficulties.
Balanced Writing
When writing a story, there are several elements you need to remember. There is your character’s thoughts, dialogue, descriptions, actions, and reactions. These all need to be balanced to give your reader a clear view of what is going on. I bring this up because it is important in the next topic here. When writing dialogue, it can get tricky as you try to flow a conversation but also add in those other items such as the description and actions.
Dialogue and Actions
This might seem like a “duh!” moment, but you will make this mistake if you haven’t already. It’s very common, and I see it in almost all the scripts or stories I edit for my clients.
When you write a dialogue heavy scene and realize there are no actions, or you are trying to add in action, you might find yourself plugging actions around the different statements. While this is a great idea and an awesome instinct you should applaud yourself for… it is very easy to go overboard!
Here is an example of going overboard. Keep in mind, every line of dialogue does not need an action attached to it.
Example
“Hilary, are you sure we don’t have to turn the homework in?” Beth asked with a frown.
“I’m sure,” Hilary sighed. “The teacher said we don’t have to.”
Beth nodded. “But, what if we do it and she gives us extra credit?”
“I don’t think so,” Hilary said. She crossed her arms. “She said not to do it.”
Beth threw her hands in the air, “But I’m so nervous not doing it!”
Explanations
Every action has been underlined. Having so many can make the sentence hard to read, right? There are a few points to consider here.
Actions are not dialogue tags. A dialogue tag is the “he said/ she said” of the sentence. The tag and the dialogue are all one sentence so whenever you add more than the tag, be careful because this can overload a sentence. Actions such as sighed, laughed, spits, grins, and more are not dialogue tags because this is not a manner of speech. This needs to be corrected.
Beth doesn’t need to nod in this either because her dialogue is already showing us her response. The same goes for statements such as characters nodding and saying yes at the same time. We do not need two confirmations at once.
Pick what actions colors the scene the best. I think Beth throwing her hands. It’s an anxious and exasperated movement that really shows her emotions here.
Corrections
“Hilary, are you sure we don’t have to turn the homework in?” Beth asked.
“I’m sure,” Hilary answered. “The teacher said we don’t have to.”
“But, what if we do it and she gives us extra credit?”
“I don’t think so,” Hilary said. She crossed her arms with a sigh. “She said not to do it.”
Beth threw her hands in the air. “But I’m so nervous not doing it!”
Done. Is that easier to read now?
Use and save your most important movements that really give a lot of meaning, but you can leave out or use these wordy actions sparingly:
Nodding
Sighing
Shrugging
Laughing
Stepping/ moving around too much
Crossing arms
Overusing these movements do not make a scene easier to picture. This makes a scene cluttered and slows down the dialogue in a bad way. Everything you point out, from the reader's perspective, it's like a camera zooming into that movement which is distracting in a section like this. Imagine watching a movie and that's what happens. Between every line there is a dramatic close up of a woman's hand, a man's scowl, a woman's feet as she shuffles them, a man as bites his lip. (That's a little extreme of an example, but I want to make sure this makes sense!)
Characters and Movement
There is a meme of these floating around online, but I couldn’t find it for today’s post…
As a writer or when working on a writing project, you might get asked, “Ooh, how do you write a scary scene? A kiss scene? Death? Action? How do you explain…” and so on. While those kinds of scenes can be challenging, do you know what the real struggle is? Simple action! Actions such as a character walking around, sitting down, or doing something in the environment.
How do I say my character entered the building, went down the hall on his left, up a staircase, and into a bedroom?
This is a moment of over thinking and shattered details. It is overthinking because we feel the need to explain every step of the way to our readers. This is a good instinct because you are making sure your readers can see everything and are not confused. But, while going overboard, you can make these sections very confusing to understand. Here is an example.
Example
Fred opened the door and stepped inside the house. He straightened and brushed the dust off his pants before bending down onto one knee and taking off his shoes. Once done, he stepped into the front hall and walked up the stairs. As his feet hit the stairs, he straightened his back and lengthened his stride to run up the stairs. Upstairs, he walked to his bedroom, opened the door, then went inside.
Correction
Fred entered the house and went to his bedroom upstairs.
Explanation
We don’t need every detail! Breaking something down like this can really confuse a reader or slow the reading down. Because Fred is simply going up to his room, this is a normal action. Zooming in and breaking up details like this can heighten suspense or the importance of something but breaking down such a normal action is wordy and unnecessary.
Teleportation.
This is the reason why we include so many details. It’s to avoid the mistake of your character moving around unseen. If you write about a character who is standing in the lunch line waiting for food, then suddenly they are at a table with their friends, and you never told us how they got there… the reader will be confused. How did they get there? Weren’t they just in line? Did they get their lunch?
If you are scared of making this mistake, you might feel like you have to describe every little step of the way but hold yourself back. Make sure you are aware of both ends of the spectrum (too much detail and missing details) to find a happy medium.
Practice Makes Perfect
A good way to practice writing movements is to write out an action with every minor detail and then whittle it down.
Example
John leaned forward and reached to pick up his phone with his left hand.
Explanation
Now take this example and simplify it. What words can we remove and still have the meaning we need? This might be hard because as you imagine the movement in your head, you see him leaning forward. You see him reaching—but do we really need all of that? Do we need to know which hand he used and how much exertion it took to simply pick up a phone that he is just going to use in a normal situation?
Rewrite
John picked up his phone.
If this were a tense scene where the phone was an object he desperately needed, that’s where you can slow it down and add more to John simply picking up the phone. It’s all about impact. He can reach and not make it, have to get up and grab the phone in a hurry… that’ll add tension. But only do this if it fits and is important to building the tension in the scene. If he is just ordering pizza or calling his mom, we don’t need the dramatics.
Let’s try another one.
Example
Lena dropped her bookbag on the floor, unzipped the front zipper, and dug through her class notebooks, crumpled paper, and pencils, until she found her homework.
Explanation
If this is a scene where she is just normally taking out her homework (not panicking or trying to find it for an emergency) you will want a simple explanation. We don’t need to know step by step from setting it down, opening it, searching, and finding her homework. In this moment, opening and finding it is the most important. Also, we have some wordiness in “unzipped” and “zipper.” These are two different words, but the “zip” parts are sounding a little repetitive. With this in mind, let’s make an easier sentence.
Correction
Lena opened her bookbag and pulled out her homework.
This all might seem really simple. You might be reading this and think “why would I write that first example?” When it comes to writing early drafts, or maybe trying to write a certain word count, it’s easy to accidentally over explain everything. Maybe you think you are being detailed, but on a second read through, you notice that these lists of details don’t add anything to the story in the end. We all don’t plan on doing these things, but if they do happen, this is how to fix it. The goal in writing is to get your ideas out as clearly as possible.
Conclusion
We’ve talked about keeping it simple with descriptions and being straight to the point. But what if we wanted to add more tension or heighten something important in a scene? Then you would zoom in and add more details to that specific object, character, or happening.
To “zoom in” is a phrase my professors always used to describe a moment in a story when a lot of attention—the reader’s attention—is pulled to a specific moment. That is a great way to build suspense and stress in a scene.
I hope you enjoyed this weekly! I gave a glimpse at how to write movement in a story. While I could write an entire weekly on each individual point here, I think it’s best to give you an overview for now. Another great writing skill that this weekly hints at is the idea of tension and suspense in a story. I guess that is something we’ll have to approach in the future!
Thank you for reading!
Best,
Danni Lynn, Evangeline40003