Gravity Falls x Hazbin Hotel Crossover FanFic.

Writing Commission: Gravity Falls and Hazbin Hotel Crossover Fanfiction

Commissioned by: genggiyen-ejen

Written by: writeddreams2reality (evangeline40003)

5,000 words

Gravity Falls and Hazbin Hotel Crossover Fanfiction

It’s a sunny morning at the Mystery Shack in Gravity Falls, Oregon. The shack is an old, renovated cabin full of strange exhibits and a gift shop—the perfect tourist trap. Twins, Dipper and Mabel Pines wait in the backyard under the shade of the forest’s great pine trees. Dipper is leafing through his journal about the odd sights and phenomenon in Gravity Falls. There is a big handprint and the number three on the front of the journal. Dipper scratches his head and adjusts his blue and white ball cap as he mutters to himself. Dipper’s sister, Mabel, sits on the ground with her big pink sweater stretched over her knees and her pet pig, Waddles, at her feet.

Grunkle Stan, the twins’ uncle, stands nearby dressed for work in his black knock-off tux, red fez, and eight-ball tipped staff in hand. Part-time worker, Wendy wears her favorite plaid green-shirt and is sharpening her axe.

From the front of the shack, there is a rattle as someone tries to open the front door. Dipper looks up and snaps his journal shut. He stuffs it into his jacket before extending a hand to help up Mabel. Waddles bounces to his feet with a squeal.

Around the corner of the shop, the Mystery Shack’s mechanic, Soos appears. His T-shirt, taken from the shop’s own merchandise, has a big question mark on it. Soos’ expression matches that of his questioning shirt with his furrowed brow and gaping mouth.

“Hey dudes, why isn’t the shop open?”

“Soos!”

“Tell us about last night!” Wendy asks.

“How did you date go?” Grunkle Stan asks.

Soos breaks into a smile. “Dudes! It went awesome! Look here.” Soos reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. “Melody gave me her number!”

“Wow man, that’s awesome!” Wendy says.

Grunkle Stan reaches up to pat Soos on the back. “Way to go! Would ya look at that.”

In the clamor, Waddles is hopping between everyone’s legs, wiggling for attention. The little pig flops back on his bottom and stares up at everyone as they are fixated on Soos and his date-night story. The paper in Soos’ hand crinkles and bends as a gust of wind picks up.

Waddles hops to his feet and snatches the phone number out of Soos’ hands.

“Ah!” Soos yells.

“Waddles!” Mabel shouts. Her pig dashes away from the group, with the precious paper in its mouth, and into the woods.

Mabel sprints after him. “Waddles!!”

Dipper glances at Soos’ now empty hands before running after his sister. Wendy, Grunkle Stan, and Soos follow in pursuit. Mabel darts around trees and leaps over a fallen log as small branches and ferns reach out to snag at her face, sweater, and skirt. Ducking under a low limb, she follows the sound of her pig’s excited squeals.

Waddles’ pink behind and little corkscrew tail comes into view as he darts into a clearing ahead of Mabel. Mabel follows just as Waddles makes a B-line for the gaping maw of the Bottomless Pit.

“Waddles, no!” Mabel screams. She lunges forward to grab her pig and wraps her arms around his body but the earth beneath her feet disappears. She has jumped too far. She is weightless for a moment as if she is an astronaut up in outer space, but gravity catches up and pulls her down. Mabel opens her mouth to scream but a sharp yank stops her descent.

“Mabel! Don’t move, I’ll pull you up!” Dipper says from above her. He is hanging with one hand on the edge of the pit and is holding onto Mabel’s turtleneck collar with his other. Her sweater pulls tight against her neck and Waddles wriggles in her arms.

Dipper’s hand begins to slip but Wendy grabs his arm.

“Kids!” Grunkle Stan grabs onto Wendy’s waist. They slide as the edge crumbles.

“Dudes—watch out for the hole!!” Soos yells, with his hands cupped to his mouth, runs into Grunkle Stan and Wendy. They lose their footing and with Soos’ momentum, everyone falls into the Bottomless Pit.

Dipper wakes up to a warmth under his face and hands. The green grass of the forest has been replaced by hot cement and stone. Jumping to his feet with a groan, Dipper stumbles as a rush of light and sound meet him. Instead of the trees and quiet forest, he is in the middle of a bustling—screaming—city. The sky above is red as freshly spilled blood. Skyscrapers and buildings crowd around with bright signs studded with hundreds of light bulbs flash like the main strip in Las Vegas, Nevada at night. There are motels, adult video stores, bars, and strip clubs. Standing above it all is a large clock tower with a pentagram on the clock face and a ticking list that says, “Next Cleanse: 205 days.”

“Ugh, what is going on?” Wendy sits up next to Dipper. Mabel, Grunkle Stan, and Soos are all starting to get up.

“Where are we?” Mabel asks. “I thought the bottomless pit would spit us back out at home like it normally does!”

“I-I don’t know,” Dipper says. He reaches into his jacket to start thumbing through his journal. The Gremgoblin, Squash Human Face, The Carnival, the Crabbit… he’s read this journal a million times and there has been no mention of a world like this within, beyond, or below Gravity Falls via the Bottomless Pit.

“Take a look at that,” Grunkle Stan says. He points to a sign down the street. There is a large sign up on a pole with a huge lit-up arrow pointing downwards. “WELCOME TO HELL,” the sign reads.

“Welcome to Hell?” Wendy reads. “Hell?!”

Grunkle Stan sighs. “I guess I knew this would happen, but I don’t think you kids are supposed to be here with me,” he says. “Too soon. Also, we know Mabel is all rainbows and sunshine.”

On the street, the very denizens of hell are hurrying back and forth. The occasional scream or burst of a fight between two demons part the crowds on the sidewalks. Cars go by, horns honk, and streetlights flash just like any city except the people here sport teeth-filled grins and slitted eyes.

Soos crumples back to the hot pavement with a whimper, Wendy steps in front of the twins to avert their eyes, and Stan rubs his hands, judging the possibilities in the hellscape around them.

“What did we do to land here? You don’t think Bill did this, do you?” Mabel asks.

“But Bill’s world would be obvious. He would have statues of himself, bizarre monsters and it would be a real Weirdmaggedon. This? This is straight up hell!” Dipper snaps his journal shut and stuffs it back in his jacket. He rolls up his sleeves and turns towards a large tower with many lit up windows, a movie theatre-esque entrance; half an ocean liner and a carousel stick out of the building on the side. Up on top of the dilapidated building is a flickering sign that reads, “The Hazbin Hotel.” Another sign reads, “Vacancy,” above the main door.

“A hotel?” Grunkle Stan asks.

“Hotels are for brief stays—maybe we aren’t stuck here after all,” Wendy offers.

Mabel rolls her eyes, her positive attitude melting away in the oppressive heat. “A brief stay? We aren’t on vacation! For all we know, it’s a brief stay from another part of H-E-double-hockey-sticks! We don’t have time to check into a hotel. I have to find Waddles!”

“Mabel, Waddles is missing?” Dipper asks.

Mabel sniffles. “I haven’t seen him since we woke up.”

“Maybe we can ask about him at the hotel. See if anyone has seen him?” Wendy suggests.

“If Waddles is missing, I don’t think this is the place he should be in either,” Soos says.

“Let’s try the hotel,” Dipper repeats.

Dipper, Mabel, Wendy with Soos in tow, and Grunkle Stan walk up to the Hazbin Hotel’s main doors. Dipper raises his hand to knock but Grunkle Stan grabs his wrist and pulls him away from the door.

“Let me do this,” Grunkle Stan says. “We don’t know what’s in here.” He pounds his fist on the door. After knocking, the door swings open to reveal a girl in a red suit with long blonde hair tied back loosely.

“Are you here to stay at the happy hotel?!” she asks. Her mouth spreads into a wide smile that takes over her features. She giggles and draws her hands up to cup her face. Behind her, a tall man—if he can be called that—comes forward. He has slitted eyes and a yellow Cheshire smile. He wears a red suit jacket with frayed edges and long pants, all matching his red and black hair and the ears on top of his head. His clawed hands hold a microphone that also has an eye which peers around.

“Oh dearie, how many times do I tell you the hotel recently rebranded? We are no longer simply the ‘Happy Hotel,’” the man says. His voice cracks like radio static.

“Err, right,” the girl says. Her smile stiffens and she puts down her hands. “W-welcome to the Hazbin Hotel—are you here to check in?”

“Uh, what happens if we say yes?” Grunkle Stan asks.

“That would be wonderful! You are welcome in our hotel. We are here to help you rehabilitate your sins!”

At her exclamation, a few more faces appeared from inside. A girl with gray skin, white hair, and a red X over one eye. A tall and thin individual with big eyes, wears a pink pin-striped dress suit and white fluffy hair scuttles over with a cackle. A small girl with a 50s poodle skirt and one big eye is being carried by a large cat with a top hat and wings. The gathered group fills the hotel’s doorway and looks down at the travelers from the living world.

“And we thought Gravity Falls was weird,” Mabel whispers.

“Ah!” the first girl yelps. “How rude of me, I never introduced myself. You must think it’s weird if I am inviting you into our lovely hotel without telling you my name! Or at least, the other’s names if you happen to recognize me. I am Charlie, the princess of the underworld. My father, Satan, has let me open this hotel to rehabilitate the people of hell for redemption.”

Charlie points to the gray girl beside her. “This is my girlfriend, Vaggie,” she points to the tall one with white hair, “this is Angel Dust, the little maid in the skirt is Niffty, Husk is the one carrying her, and don’t let him scare you too much—this is Alastor.” The last one, Alastor, gives a wink and holds up his microphone.

“And the listeners at home are just dying to know—who are you?” Alastor asks.

Dipper pushes in front of Grunkle Stan and points at himself. “I’m Dipper Pines, this is my sister Mabel, Grunkle Stan, Wendy, and Soos. We are not here to stay; we just need some help. We accidentally fell into Hell following our pet pig and need to find him so we can go back home.”

Husk laughs. “Everyone thinks they don’t belong here once they arrive.”

“It can take some adjustment. Everyone here has committed one sin or another,” Vaggie says.

“Oh great,” Grunkle Stan says. “I wonder what one did me in? I know I can be a crotchety old man who swindles the wandering tourist…but should the kids really be here? There must have been a mistake.”

Mabel starts to sniffle again; big tears trickle down her cheeks. “Was it that time I hid a glitter bomb at school? Or maybe I haven’t called Grenda or Candy enough? I’m a terrible friend!”

“We need to get out of here. We never died,” Dipper argues. “This must be an illusion that Bill created. Maybe the world really is ending? Who else has the power to create something like this?” Dipper pulls out his journal and starts flipping through the pages again but pauses. Alastor, who had been silent during Mabel’s outburst with nothing but a smile, leans forward with an eyebrow raised at the journal. Dipper snaps it shut and takes a step back.

“How did you get here?” Vaggie asks.

“We fell down the Bottomless Pit in the backyard!” Soos answers.

Vaggie winces. “Oh, so that’s how it happened.” Angel Dust bends forward and twists around to look at Mabel.

“Buuuut, did you say you are looking for a pig?” Angel Dust asks.

“Yes! Waddles is missing!”

“We can go find my pig, Fat Nuggets. It’s possible the pigs found each other?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Grunkle Stan says.

“But it might work? Pigs like pigs,” Soos adds.

“Oh, you’re so original,” Alastor says with a scoff.

“Alright—everyone! I think we’ve talked this out enough. Angel Dust, help Mabel find her pig. Maybe once that is sorted out then we can start figuring out how to help you all,” Charlie says. “Come inside, get washed up, have food, or whatever you need. We’ll help you get out of here in no time.”

“Okay,” Dipper says. “Let’s do that. Can we meet back in the hotel entrance room once everyone gets ready?”

Everyone agrees. Charlie’s friends back up so she can hold open the doors and welcome the Gravity Falls gang inside. The inside of the hotel has a large bar on the left and a gallery of portraits, paintings, and drapes decorating the tall walls. Dipper splits away from the group to follow Charlie farther down a hall.

“So, are you the owner of this hotel?” Dipper asks Charlie. She walks in front of him, her long hair swaying with each step. She lifts her arms up to gesture to the walls around them.

“Pretty much! My parents gave me this hotel,” Charlie answers.

“I’m sure that’s a lot to handle.” They come to the end of the hall. Charlie crosses her arms with a smile and leans against a wall.

“It’s alright. It’s always been my dream to help people here. What about you? What do you do?” she asks.

“My sister Mabel and I are staying in Gravity Falls with our Grunkle for the summer. Unlike our city back home, Gravity Falls is full of magical oddities and creatures. I’m conducting field research on what I find.”

“Really? That sounds so exciting! Also, a lot to handle.”

“Oh yeah,” Dipper agrees. “Between the monsters, Mabel’s crazy ideas, and Soos getting into trouble, I’m amazed we make any progress at all.”

“Wow. I totally get what you mean. At the Hazbin Hotel, I’m trying to help sinners rehabilitate but Angel Dust keeps sneaking off at night and Alastor put a bar in the hotel! I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot harder than I thought. You guys are actually some of our first guests. I guess my dream isn’t impossible after all—I can finally show everyone, my parents, everyone in Hell, that I’m more than they think I am.”

“I think you can do it. And I’m sure with your help we can get out of here,” Dipper says.

Charlie frowns. “Right.” Dipper sighs and looks over his shoulder down the hall where Wendy is standing in the main parlor talking to Vaggie. Charlie follows his gaze.

“Ah, I know that look,” she says.

“What?”

“You like that lumberjack girl, don’t you?”

“I—well, I—” Dipper stutters.

“It’s obvious. While you are only here for a short time, can I share some advice?”

Dipper deflates, his face turns red. “Sure, why not?”

“We know what it’s like to have a hard time chasing our dreams. Me with my hotel, you with your research. Everyone has a dream like that. This girl, besides just liking her, get to know what her dream is. That part of her, her passions, and goals, are just as important to pour your love into, besides just the girl herself.”

“Wow, I never thought of it that way.”

Charlie smiles. “That’s what Vaggie does for me and boy, does it make a girl feel special.”

***

Vaggie pulls a spear down from off the wall and strikes the end of its staff against the floor.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my friends,” she says. Wendy takes out her axe and weighs it in the palm of her hand.

“Absolutely. When it comes to all my brothers or the Pines, I’ll never let anyone touch them. There was this time these zombies came out of the ground and interrupted a party at the Mystery Shack. You should have seen it! I didn’t hesitate.”

Vaggie’s eye crinkles into a rare smile. “I would have gone wild in that situation. How far can you throw that thing?” she asks. “Want to have a contest?”

“Heck yeah,” Wendy replies. “Do you have any demon hunting out here? Targets?”

***

Grunkle Stan swirls the beer in his cup as he talks to Husk at the glowing green and black bar in the front of the hotel. Husk’s wings are folded back and add bulk to his already large form. He picks up a bottle with his clawed hands and lifts it to his lips.

“I could really use a drinking buddy here. Everyone is so busy trying to ‘save the world,’” Husk says.

Grunkle Stan grunts. “Save the world…I know too many who are convinced they can do just that.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Grunkle Stan takes a sip of his beer. “Can I borrow your ear for a minute?” he asks. “I just have some regrets. I guess it’s normal to get them off your chest before you die but…I think someone who I should have paid more attention to and understood a little more might have beat me here…”

***

“I must get back to cleaning,” Niffty says. She is hopping around Soos, poking at his shirt and looking him up and down. Her skirt bounces with each moment and her eye seems to get bigger and bigger as she talks in a chirping tone. “Big man, tall man!”

“Ahh, thanks dude?” Soos says. He leans away from the small girl. Her sharp tone is too similar to GIF-any who almost ruined his date with Melody.

“After Niffty is done cleaning, Niffty can come see tall Soos?” Niffty asks. She bats her eyelashes at him.

“Um, I’ll have to see. Have I told you about Melody?” Soos asks.

“A Melody? Tell me everything—I will listen!” Niffty says. “Follow me while I dust, and talk!”

***

Outside the glow of Hazbin Hotel, chatter drifts along the streets and turns into static as Alastor lounges on the steps, fiddling with his radio.

“Now folks, what do we think of these new characters, huh? Some speculate they belong in Hell while some do not. What tale will unfold?” he mutters and pretends to be giving a speech. His microphone’s eye bulges and flutters shut as a portal suddenly opens up next to Alastor. The radio demon sits up as out of the shining portal floats a 2D yellow triangle with a single cyclops eye, a black bowtie, a tiny top hat, and thin line-like limbs.

“Well, hello! Alastor? Nice to make your acquaintance! I’ve always wanted to come visit the great world down below—but I didn’t know such a fine upstanding villain like yourself would be here. I’d have come sooner!” Bill says. He reaches out to shake Alastor’s hands—mic and all. Alastor pulls away and narrows his great yellow eyes at Bill.

“A visitor, eh? And who might you be?” Alastor asks.

“The name’s Bill Cypher! You must be the Radio Demon, Alastor!”

"Yes,” Alastor says. He snakes the word between his teeth in a long hiss. “What brings you to Hell Bill? Are you sure you’re traveling on the right frequency?”

“Oh I sure do! I decided to take a little trip on down to Hell to surprise some friends of mine and I was thinking I could have some fun with them while they are here. Say, why don’t you help me? I really love to see them scream. It might be good for your radio show.” Bill exclaims. His eye turns all white and flashes like a roll of recording tape rushing by.

“You want me to help you? Well, I don’t give away assistance for free. How will this benefit me?”

Bill steeples his fingers together as he floats. “Let me terrorize the kids for a little bit and I’ll give you whatever you wish. Deal?”

Alastor raises an eyebrow. His smile contorts his face into a hideous stretch. “A deal? You wish to make a deal with me? I don’t think you know what you are getting into.”

Bill’s eye flashes red and a burst of static lights the air. “I don’t KNOW what I am getting into? Let me tell YOU, Alastor, I am the most powerful being you will ever meet. I KNOW all. I SEE all. I KNOW you have something you have ALWAYS wanted. I can do that for you. Do we have a DEAL?”

Alastor chuckles and waves his microphone at the flickering triangle. “Yes, we have a deal, Bill.”

Bill returns to his yellow self. He holds out a hand, burning with blue flames. “Deal.”

***

“Dear, I love your sweater. Did you make that?” Angel Dust asks. He and Mabel are upstairs in the hotel, heading towards Angel Dusts’ room. Mabel smiles wide and holds out the sides of her pink sweater with a shooting star on it.

“Yes! I love making sweaters!”

“Oh really? That’s neat. I do adore good fashion and I think you have taste,” Angel Dust says. “I can tell you like it all—glitter, rainbows, unicorns—that’s the stuff!”

“This is such a glorious compliment!” Mabel exclaims. “Because you are so fashionable!”

They reach a door in the hallway with a small doggy door at the bottom. Angel Dust opens the door to a room with pink striped walls and a large bed with plush comforters and pillows. On top of the bed, two little pigs are curled up sound asleep.

“Waddles!” Mabel cries. She runs forward to pick up her pig. Waddles squeals and nuzzles her face. “Where have you been?!” On the bed sits the crumpled-up paper with Melody’s phone number on it next to Angel Dust’s pig, Fat Nuggets. Fat Nuggets blinks sleepily and oinks. She has tiny black horns on her head, a little devil tail and a mix of black and dark pink spots across her body.

“Aww, your pig is so cute!” Mabel says.

“Thanks! Let’s go tell the others you found Waddles.”

***

With Waddles safe and Melody’s phone number found, everyone gathers outside the hotel. Dipper is looking at the sky as he tries to figure out a way home. Mabel, Wendy, Grunkle Stan, and Soos follow him around as if an opening back to their world will suddenly appear.

Vaggie sits down next to Charlie outside the hotel. “So, if we let them wander around a little bit each day, will they finally believe they are not only in, but are staying in Hell? It’s screwy, but none of them except the old fart believe they are really here.”

“I guess so, I’ve never dealt with denial about being in Hell. Usually everyone here doesn’t want to leave since they are so steeped in sin,” Charlie says.

Soos paces on the sidewalk as he tries to smooth out the wrinkles that appeared on Melody’s phone number. Completely enamored, he steps around any demons who walk by without flinching. “I’ll call ya when I get off work today, okay Melody?” Niffty watches him from where she is sweeping the entryway to the Hazbin Hotel.

An ashy wind kicks up and blows. Garbage and debris are picked up and thrown into the air as everyone covers their eyes against the gust. Melody’s phone number trembles and then slips from Soos’ hands to fly into the air.

“Oh no!” Soos yells. He jumps and leaps at the paper, but it flies high and lands right in the outstretched hand of none other than Bill Cypher.

“Bill!” Dipper yells. “I knew this had to do with you!” Mabel picks up Waddles as Vaggie and Wendy whip out their weapons. Grunkle Stan stumbles but is steadied by Husk as all eyes turn to the sky.

“Well hello Pine family and friends! Long time no see!” Bill exclaims.

“Bill, get the hell outta here!” Grunkle Stan yells.

“Well well, that’s no way to treat an old friend, Stan,” Bill says.

The wind that announced Bill’s entrance only grows stronger. Small demons around the street are lifted into the air as lighting cracks and booms. Angel Dust hurries over and picks up Mabel and Waddles as the wind starts to lift her up too. Wendy throws her axe at Bill, but he holds up his hand and instantly melts the weapon into nothing.

“I can see you are not as happy to see me as I am to see you. I was shocked to hear you had come down here for a visit without thinking of inviting ME.” As he talks, Bill grows. His body bursts from his 2-dimensional form into a large glowing pyramid. Sections of his body begin to spin and flip as his eye shakes. “How COULD you?!”

Giant arms shoot out of the pyramid’s sides. Numerous hands snatch out to capture each person. Dipper, Mabel, Angel Dust, Waddles, Wendy, Grunkle Stan, and Soos are all scooped up in different hands.

“Mabel!” Dipper screams. “Bill—let us go!”

“Kids, stay calm!” Grunkle Stan shouts. He struggles and tries to move but Bill squeezes him in his fist. Angel Dust starts to slip out of Bill’s grasp from behind Mabel and Waddles, but Bill tightens his grip, crushing everyone.

“HA HA HA! THIS WAS TOO EASY!” Bill says. His voice echoes and cracks louder than the raging storm he conjured. “DID YOU THINK YOU HAD A CHACE AGAINST ME?”

On the ground, Husk just stares up at the giant pyramid, now dominating most of the sky in size and girth. Vaggie and Charlie rush over to help but a long red arm stops them.

“Not so fast, girls,” Alastor says. “I don’t think this is something you want to get involved with.”

“We have to help them!” Charlie snaps.

“Who is Bill?!” Vaggie asks through a snarl. She grips her spear and is prepared to fight Alastor if she has to.

“It seems that Bill has history with these souls from the living realm,” Alastor says.

Charlie gasps “’Souls from the living realm?’ I thought they had fallen to their deaths and appeared in Hell. You mean they are still alive?!”

“Shit!” Vaggies curses. “I didn’t believe them. We can’t let this happen.”

“Oh yes you will! Unless, you would like to make a deal?” Alastor pulls back and holds his hand out to Charlie. Charlie shrinks away. “What will it be, oh Princess?”

Bill continues to laugh as he swells to even bigger proportions. Electric signs and advertisements on top of different buildings begin to spark and pop. Glass showers the streets below as windows break and his voice grows shrill in his excitement.

Bill, with his prisoners in his hands, leans backwards. His pyramid body cracks in half and splinters as a giant tooth-filled maw appears. A long tongue rolls out and shakes as he continues to cackle.

“HOW FOOLISH YOU ARE. DID YOU THINK YOU COULD OUTSMART ME? I AM THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE!” Bill dangles Dipper over his open mouth, pinching him between two fingers as he fidgets and kicks.

“Dipper, NO!”

“Don’t do it!”

“Stop!!”

The scene freezes. The wind dies and the lighting fizzles out. Alastor appears midair before Bill’s giant eye. Shadows writhe around Alastor’s form and expand from his claws.

“How interesting,” Alastor says into his mic. “You think YOU are the most powerful being in the universe? Very entertaining.” Alastor stretches and cracks his knuckles as his body begins to grow, his shadows pulse and he glows red. “But you are not the most powerful being in the universe. You may have sway over the living world and alternate realms, but down here? In Hell, I reign superior.”

“WHAT?! Bill yells back. His hands open and he throws all his captives towards the street below in a fit. Alastor snaps his fingers, and a horde of tiny, winged demons appear to swarm and catch everyone before they hit the ground. Once on their feet, everyone grabs each other and runs to Charlie and Vaggie at the front of Hazbin Hotel as the two now giants face off in the sky.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” screams Bill. “WE HAD A DEAL! YOU WERE GOING TO STEP ASIDE WHILE I HAVE MY FUN WITH THESE PATHETIC CREATURES. YOU CAN’T CHANGE YOUR MIND.”

“In fact, I can. Like I said, I am the superior one in Hell—I am the one who creates the deals. Your word means nothing in my realm.” The street below Bill’s floating form starts to buckle and crack open. Plumes of fire erupt and roar into the air. Bill’s form begins to flicker. His many hands fling themselves at Alastor as Bill erupts into static, flashing from blue to gray and black as a guttural scream fills the smoky air.

Alastor disappears and reappears in a whirl of shadows. He points his microphone at the ground. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Alastor says. “Please keep all hands and arms inside the ride. We are about to depart!”

The rumbling ground and roiling fires beneath Bill splits open to reveal a giant black hole. The wind and fire swirl around to create a vortex as Bill’s pyramid body is pulled away piece by piece into the dark hole. Bill crumbles, his pieces crushed to dust as he is sucked up and the portal pops close as if nothing had been there in the first place. Alastor returns to his normal self and teleports down to the hotel.

Dipper peeks out from behind his hands, he and his friends—new and old—start to stand up from the huddle they were in against the tearing wind and fire.

“W-what’s going to happen to him?” Dipper asks.

“Oh, it was nothing but a little scare,” Alastor says. “I was just having some fun putting him into his rightful place. Having such an attitude will never get you any positive ratings!” Alastor bows to no applause, but he amuses himself regardless. “Well then, is it about time you lively ones went back home?” Alastor snaps his fingers again and this time a black portal appears in the air like an open door.

“Will it hurt?” Mabel asks. She is holding tight to Waddles and is watching from behind Angel Dust’s legs.

“Not at all. This little portal will insert you right back into your so-called Bottomless Pit and you’ll be back in Gravity Falls before you know it.”

“Oh—thanks,” Dipper says. As they turn to go, everyone says their goodbyes.

“I’d say I’d like to see you again, but I don’t think most of you will be back here,” Charlie says with a laugh.

“Yeah, skip this place and go right above when you die, alright?” Vaggie adds.

The twins enter the portal first, then Grunkle Stan, and Wendy. Before Soos leaves, Alastor stops him and holds out the wrinkled paper with Melody’s number.

“Keep a better grip on this, alright?”